Walls.

Studying stats is like throwing my brain against a brick wall. My forehead actually hurts. I've been studying this all day and I've advanced two or three pages. I want to take a break, but really I've already taken way too many, its my fault I put studing this off for so long. The most basic concepts I can just barely wrap my head around and I know its because of my ADD. Because ADD works two ways. It either takes your brain out of gear and lets you rev your mental engine to exhaustion, or it throws up walls. The hardest, most annoying walls. If feeling your mind in a state of hyperactivity and getting nowhere wasn't panic inducing enough, this is way worse. Try as you might, your mind refuses to absorb new concepts, and struggles with ones you already have mastered. I suppose I only have myself to blame. I actually have pills that are meant to prevent this sort of thing. But I am too prideful and stubborn to take them, I guess. I was born with this. Its part of me. As dumb as it sounds I would feel almost as if I were cheating to use them. Actually, I used to cheat some, and I felt better about that than I do about taling these. When you cheat, there is a certain amount of cleverness and skill you exhibit. Your still independent. But if I take these pills It would be like offering to place steps in front of every Olympic hurdle. The runner will succeed, yes, but he'll never get to prove to the world he could do it without the outside help. I guess this is my Irish blood showing through. But even if I wanted to take them for just today, just to get past this particular block, I couldn't. Because you have to take them for four days straight before they do you any good. So I'll admit it. My pride got me in a bit of a mess. But I think, given the chance, I would rather smash my way this mental wall then be temporarily helped over it.